Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
