weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
