We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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