The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
