New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
