If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
