You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
