You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
