How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
