apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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