Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's like iHOP with fire
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
