i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
