I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
