Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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