My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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