i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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