saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
