i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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