the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
