Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
nutella sex= disaster
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
