Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
