I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
