guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bring money and cleavage
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
