I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
