Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
