I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
