I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
