return my video game
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
