Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
