I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
