They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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