I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
