I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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