you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
