he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
