so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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