4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
