Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is Oprah even human
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
