Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize