I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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