so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
