sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
