he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize