I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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