i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
