Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
