Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
