hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
