Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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