Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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