I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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