im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
