k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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