Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
