My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
