he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
