I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize