Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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