I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
