you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
