I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
