I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
