Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize