In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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