I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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