i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
