so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
