...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
