i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
