were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
