she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
