only if we run a train.
done.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize