I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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