Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
