Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
