I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
